Fame. 

It sounds good, but when you think about it, is it really? It’s bad enough that people are so wrapped around other people’s  lives that they forget who they are. Why would I want to put a target right in the middle of my creative matters just for someone to have something to talk about?

I’ve moved toward becoming introverted when it comes to my work for so many reasons. I think that a lot of people especially in Baltimore can relate.  I came on to the creative scene with my blog in 2013. I was so excited, but afraid at the same time. For one, my writing was some shit when I first started. People couldn’t wait to inbox me and tell me about the errors they read in my work. I was like “Damn, give a sista a break!” Later on I grew accustomed to criticism and kept pushing my work. On my come-up, I’ve worked with and around a lot of other creative people. Some I was fond of and some not so much.

I am grateful to have encountered different personalities. Shout out to working in retail. It has helped me out with being able to adapt to people, even the ones I don’t like in professional settings. Since 2013 I’ve done more than I thought I could. I even picked up a new skill. Photography, became my second love and something I am known primarily for. I don’t even know where the shit came from, but I am grateful I am gaining respect in that field.

My love for my craft has not faded, but my love for the social scene has depleted. In a generation that feeds off of instant gratification, I just feel like it isn’t me. I understand that it takes time to gain success (whatever that is) and respect. Without the hard work you will fade away as fast as you appeared. I’m 26 years old and I just feel like my legacy is more important than some temporary fame and hype. I actually care about the impact I will have while I’m here and when I am dead and gone.

Social media is a HUGE reason I have grown annoyed with the creative scene as a whole. The extent that perfection is pushed is just crazy. It has created a divide between creatives and the word unity is like a curse word amongst creative circles. Now don’t get me wrong , I’ve had my time on social media where I indulged in things that could hurt my image as a professional, but I had to sit back and really think about who I would be without social media. A lot of people build personas around it and it can be good and bad. I had to limit my use of it. Showing a little less of myself and more of my work. I don’t want to read too much or discuss gossip of any kind, fantasize about death and other horrendous things. I want my mental health to be intact.

It just saddens me that nothing is really private anymore. Anything that you share can be seen by anyone. Some people share too damn much.  I just be thinking sometimes, “Do I need to know your dog pooped?” “Do I need to know your period just came on?”

While social media is great networking tool, a lot of us act like we don’t know that. I am included in this because once upon a time I misused social media and I still do at times. Lately I’ve been wishing upon a star for Facebook to go back to only allowing people over 18 to join like the old days or for Instagram to be about pictures of shit like food. That ain’t happening.

Outside of the internet it just seems like a lot of creatives lack personality and authenticity. Well, in Baltimore anyway. My experience networking with other creatives here has been up and down. From the sleeping around to the childish rumor antics. You can imagine why I’d like to stay to myself. When we link up it should be about work or other positive things.

If people did more minding of the business that pays them, we’d be more content.

As a writer and photographer I have evolved and a lot of things just don’t seem exciting or worth talking about anymore. Writing about celebrity gossip or what’s going on in the lives of people who I don’t relate to is a waste. Traumatizing my people with news about killing every day becomes exhausting. I would just rather write about things I’m passionate about and that I and others can relate to without messing with peoples’ mental health. I’d rather be behind the scenes to the point that my work is the only thing you know me by.

In conclusion, we don’t like to work for shit anymore. Everyone expects to become successful overnight. No one wants to invest in themselves or do the necessary  research.

 A great man named Frank Ocean once said:

Shut the fuck up I don’t want your conversation…

That explains how I’m feeling about mingling amongst the creative community most days.