[QOTW] Do You Know The Difference Between Compromising and Settling? [Written By Brandon Williams]


I had a conversation with a good friend the other day and she said something that led me to consider an interesting notion; “…I’ve also begun to wonder if we’ve all taken the “don’t settle” thing so far that we’re all looking for this build a mate ass person based on our perception of what we feel we deserve/matches us, hence overlooking the things that matter.” Initially, I didn’t entirely agree but, after giving it a lot of thought, I’ve shifted my perspective. I feel that a combination of miscommunication and some willful ignorance is what kind of keeps a lot of us, and I say us because I too am included in this equation, from getting what we desire on our quest to find and choose a mate.  Now granted, when it comes to love and romance, nobody should settle not on how they should be treated, respected or taken care of. If you’ve set standards for yourself then there is absolutely nothing wrong with holding out in order to uphold those standards and to ensure your own slice of happiness. However, I think that a large portion of the population has confused the term ‘settling’ with ‘compromising’ and that has led to a lot of turmoil in the dating scene. Settling is what one does when they no longer want to try so to speak. It’s when a person reaches a point in their heart/mind where they convince themselves that they can’t do any better. Settling is when a person comes to a false realization that, where they are and what they have is the best that it can get for them and they should not bother continuing the search. Settling, to put in the plainest terms, is a form of giving up hope, hope which is one of the pillars that Love is based upon. Love without hope can’t exist, not even a little bit. Compromise, and I mean TRUE compromise, is a whole other ideal altogether.  Compromising is a NECESSITY of any relationship. Its two people overlooking each other’s flaws and realizing that through all of that, the person looking back at them is still the person they fell in love with. Compromising is doing something you don’t WANT to do, but doing it because the other person NEEDS you to do it and their happiness means just as much to you as your own. I honestly believe that if people would take the time to really think about what we sincerely need deep down inside, rather than basing our ideals and opinions on what love and a healthy relationship is off of what the TV and computer screens tell us it is, for those of us still looking to find our “better half” we would be much better off and our search could be a lot more fruitful.


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